ouch.

there are many things in life where i've choosen the simple route - career, fashion, makeup... no.big.deal - right?

well this wedding is...well...to put it nicely...getting a little too much for me to handle. it's not that i don't feel the love and support of everyone around me, but i'm realizing too that this wedding is not only a big deal to the both of us, but to the rest of our families and friends. and while i do aim to please, i'm not just considering what i'm about to suggest b/c i want it to be the affair of the century.

it's because, last night, yet again...he asked me if i was enjoying this engagement period, and to be totally honest folks, there aren't enough hours in the day, days in the week to get through all the stuff that needs to be taken care of, get through the first 365 days of my still 'new' job (very a la 'first 100' for politicians), stay on top of finances and taking care of our new home, supporting him in all of his professional and academic endeavors, attend to my parents extended need (now that i'm no longer living under their roof...) sorry that this list is getting long, but you can tell from this how draining it's been for me as of late.

and so this morning, while finishing the last few steps to my 4th floor walk up office, i realized how blessed, honored, supported and loved i am and that while i will do my best to suck it up, and appreciate all that's been given to us these last few years, that this is the one time for me to take a step back, do for 'moi' and lose some control over these plans and consider asking for more help - family, professional etc.

this post actually started off w/ my possible announcement of considering hiring a 'day of' coordinator for the wedding. however, five paragraphs later, what seems to be of more importance is to put Him in charge of a lot more than i can even fathom to handle at this junction in my lfe. it's been more than silly of me to think that ALL-OF-THIS (picture me making a big O w/ my arms) is under my control, my jurisdiction, my careful hand.

so as of today, less than 3 months before the wedding, i'm going to savor every last moment of this engagement like it was the last piece of chocolate in the pack and continue to be tickled and satiated by the yumminess that this time has brought me in my life.

mary JB always says it the best...it'll be just fine.



{thank you ladies and gentlemen for letting me voice this long stare in the mirror.}

UPDATE: boo...

----- Forwarded Message ----
From: Christine XXXX
To: maiaermita@yahoo.com
Sent: Friday, July 18, 2008 11:42:52 AM
Subject: Re: 10/17/2008: FORM RESPONSE

Hi Maia,

We're unfortunately unavailable.

Best Wishes,
EAP Inc.

...back to the drawing board.